Tell me what time it is going to be

I used to listen to the news a lot. All news...any news...from anywhere.* I knew everything. Nothing would ever catch me off guard. I could see trends coming from a mile away and prepare for it. Muslim extremists invading Mumbai. I am prepared. I watched the whole thing. Financial meltdown. I am ready. I refreshed my web browser every 15 seconds during the entire situation looking for critical updates.

When Muslim extremists meltdown the New York Financial system from Mumbai. I will be ready. I will watch it all. I will be an informed expert.

The news makes me feel what they want me to feel. I can't help it. They are much better at controlling my feelings than I am. They are experts. They coordinate and facilitate the manner in which the general public should be feeling.

When they want us to sell all our stocks, they find amazing similarities between the current situation and 1929. When they want us to buy all their stock, they tell us that we are missing the boat on this huge wave that will last forever. Then, they remind us that waves crash, bubbles burst and you can't time the market. Sometimes greed is good and sometimes it is bad. The news tell us what time it is.

I wish they would tell me what time it will be.

The ultimate news will be when they match my current situation with the current events. The digitized news anchor will tell me what to do based on my personal information that is stored on Googlezon. "Jeff, a bomb is about to go off in the London Stock Exchange. Sell your European Index Fund. Short Barklays and get rid of the $3000 Ameros on your VisaMaster identity card."

Until then, I will listen to the audio books of my choosing. They must be positive, but not fruitcakey. Maybe they just need to be real. I think that is my criteria. A real honest memoir. Not an autobiography where, after great introspection, the person proclaims their greatest fault to be that they are too passionate.

I want to be happy, content and rich so that I can experience everything all my desires and help Darryl find what makes him happy.

I guard what gets into my brain these days.

* Thank you Google translator