How many calories do I need to burn to lose a pound of fat?

3500 calories is the rough estimate for the energy contained in one pound of fat. This means that to lose one pound per week, you must create a deficit of 3500 calories per week. Since a week as 7 days, that means a deficit of 3500 / 7 = 500 calories per day.
This is a great starting point. The reality is much more complex .. for example, 3500 calories will not produce a pound of muscle, it actually takes more than that, etc etc ... but as a general rule of thumb, it gives you a starting point and then you can play with the numbers from there.

To really appreciate the power of losing even a pound of fat, visit How Many Pounds? and find out interesting facts such as how many pots of coffee you could brew or how many times you could walk across England with the calories you burn.

Needed to buy all my gym accessories....

Well, I started out for the gym.....then I realized...I didn't have towels...no problem...I will stop off at TJMaxx...then I realized I didn't have shampoo...no problem...I will stop off at CVS. Then I realized I didn't have my shoes....

TOMMORROW! I start tommorrow. My trunk is getting full of gym accessories.

I am back in my office. I miss the window seat. But I do enjoy the isolation....for awhile.

I am excited. This is what I wanted to do in 2004. Work, workout, go home. No stress. Then I got caught up in the whole world.

Returning to original world and staying out of trouble.

The 24 hour fitness secret

Really isn't a secret. I just want to prolong the agony of Isadora blowing her lid and going into emotional cardiac arrest.

On Sunday morning, I snuck out a week supply of gym clothes to the car. How crazy is that? Sneaking off to take care of your health.

But I am feeding you "crue d'ete"? Yeah...I think at 260 lbs..I am going to need a little bit more help than crue d'ete.

I am going to leave work at lunch time....go work out and come back all refreshed!

Totally excited!

Shit! Need to charge up the iPod.

What a week. Alot of late nights and early weekends. But I got a lot accomplished. I do make things happen. I make a lot happen. I truely love my window seat.

But nevertheless I got a lot done for the company. For me. I got nothing done. Well no. I joined 24 hour fitness. Now I just need to attend. I am waiting for Isadora to see our bank statement. She is going to be so pissed. Pissed off that I spent $30 on my health. Screw her. I can't be afraid of her. This is my life. I am trying to live. At 260 lbs, we are in emergency mode. I am on medication that leads to zero ejaculation.

I choose life.

Her idea is that I work out at the Y early in the morning or late late at night. Fuck that. I am going to work out at lunch to blow off steam and that is when I am awake to work out.

Man I am so excited!!!

I bought her a James Avery sleeping cat charm. I have it engraved with Princess. I never gave her anything to remember Princess. I have nothing to remember my pets...but I had so many. I guess the ones that meant the most to me were Cassie and Patsy and Princess. Cassie I grew up with...and Patsy was the first pet I got on my own....Princess was Isadora's but I loved her. She was sweet and wonderful. She loved her rituals with me. I miss them all. Now we have a cat hotel. Sammy, Pixie and her son Loudy go in and out all day long. Scout comes in for his weekly for an intense petting session. Jezebel stares at us in the living room through the solarium door window and then runs away when we open the door to feed them. Spanky only comes out to spend time with Isadora composting.

So, I am at home relaxing. Writing in my blog. God, I am so tired...but not really. I love my bed and I love my bedroom. Isadora has sworn it off until it is leveled....so let me get this straight...I get the bedroom all to myself...until the floor is level. Ummm...yeah.

If she was fun to share a room with...I would want to. But Isadora hates noise of any kind (TV, music). She hates sex. She hogs three quarters of the bed...3/4 of a massive king size bed.

Now I have a bed all to myself. If I am stressed I can wake up and masterbate. I can fall asleep to the TV. I can watch NetFlix movies with my speakers!

I am 260 lbs. I eat salad and fruit. I snack a little. I am 260 lbs. What the fuck! I am getting fat on air.

So...for $30, I joined 24 hour fitness next to work. Man...sales people suck! You better sign today or the deal will go away tomorrow. $9.00 initiation fee. Very good. There is a huge LA Fitness opening down the street from work too.

I AM GOING TO WORK OUT EVERY LUNCH!

I am going to lose weight! So I don't look like a fat beer bellied Chris Farley! For fuck sake...I hardly drink beer! I have a yogurt belly!

oooh, Jeff....I saved all my money. I studied hard to gain skills for a career. I sit in an office..unbeknownst to the world. Mounds of creativity wasting.

I will do!

I will lose 70 lbs and I will build the great blackberry application that will WOW the world!

I AM GOD!!!! I AM ONE WITH GOD!

A perfect day

A perfect day would be:

1. 4:00 am wake up
2. 5:00 am swim for an hour
3. 7:00 am show up for work
4. 11:00 am go to gym
5. 12:30 pm return from gym
6. 4:30 pm go home
7. 5:30 pm play with Darryl
8. 7:00 pm practice reading with Darryl
9. 8:00 pm go to bed
   

Darryl/ Health/ Work all in one day!

Wednesdays and Saturday nights would be foot massage night

Friday would be Dumpling King/Ragin Cagin night.

5 hour energy drinks and decaf

I wrote a big post on my blackberry yesterday sitting on the crapper....then I discovered that I was unable to save it. So I lost the entry. It was 15 minutes of typing. I bought these fiber candies and I am not eating very much...so I am constantly on the toilet feeling like I have to push something out...and all I do is squeeze of a little niblit.

I worked out tonight. I am taking those 5 hour energy drinks. They work. I take half a drink when I get home and I am good to go. Normally I come home and crash.

I have been drinking three cups of decaf throughout the day. I am sooo tired. Thank God I am doing something fun like programming in Excel. I will probably get tired of that soon. I am not good at solitude. Maybe I am good at solitude. No I like making friends and learning new things. I guess I just don't give a shit about what I am programming this spreadsheet application for.

Exercise Long Weekend Coming Up!

It is nice to blog. Can't wait to get out of here. I am going to exercise this weekend...until I look fantastic. I seem to be getting a chest! Very pleased. I seem to be getting bumps again.

Way to go 300 Spartan workout!...And Bikram Yoga. I use the relaxation pose to get my breath under control between sets....TOTALLY works. I used to walk around to calm myself down between sets...the Bikram Yoga relaxation pose...COMPLETELY refreshes me before the next set. I love when I can take something from one activity and use it to improve another activity.

Date day

Isadora and I went on a date. Darryl went to hang out with our neighbors for the day. Deborah took Darryl for 6 hours. Kinda weird. For some reason she doesn't want Nik to hang out at our house. She wanted Darryl for 6 hours to play with Nick...so she didn't have to. Makes sense...but it would be nice to share babysitting duties. I like spending time with my son too. Deborah is trying to adopt Nik. Nik's mother is a crack addict. Deborah is a ready to retire postal worker.

We went to Arcodoro's for lunch. I had the Sardinian Gnocchetti with tomato sauce. God it was good. It is always good there. I want to become Isadora and I's date place. Although today's date cost $70. We were doing fine until we ordered desert and cappuccinos. That always sends the bill over the top.

We went to the posh mall across the street. We purchased alot $100 worth of Body shop products. God I love that place. I bought shaving cream (best shaving cream), body wash and massage balm.

We went back home and used the massage balm to warm up for sex. She loves massages as foreplay. She can't stand giving and recieving foreplay. She gave me a blow job a couple weeks back....Can't even classify it as a blow job...more like a....well actually it was technically...a blow job. She puffed her cheeks up and bobbed up and down. I couldn't feel a thing....there was no suction....no friction. She was literally trying to fill my dick up with air. No one wonder my scrotum is so bouyant!

I did more work out. I worked out with the kettle bell. I worked muscles that have been dormant for a very long time. Something tells me that I am going to have a hard time getting out of my chair tommorrow.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Darryl and I gave Isadora the afternoon off. We went to see the Transformers movie. 3 friggin hours...thought I was going to die. It was the first time I had ever seen Darryl ready to climb the walls. He was kicking his legs and arching his back...I think he was totally cramping up. Finally, I told him to run around the cinema. He did that a couple of times before some black lady went and got the theatre manager...he told Darryl to sit down.

...Well then don't make your movies so damn long! This was a 3 hour movie...that could have easily have been 2 hours. The last hour was a not very subtle product placement ad for the United States Defense industry.

But I do love the sound effects in these Transformer movies and Shia and Megan and the parents are pretty good. Optimus Prime is a little heavy to digest...Freedom is your destiny. All man was born equal. Those who walk among us...walk freely. Ok, Optimus...take it down a notch. I feel like everytime he starts a monologue we should all be standing with our hand over hour hearts.

Something tells me the GI Joe movie is going to be the same.

We went to Academy sports and bought a Driver for Darryl and a Kettle bell for me. I am following this guys workouts.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/746000/300_spartan_workout_home_version_2/

See how they go. He looks great. I look like crap. I will be happy if we can meet in the middle.

Starting of vacation weekend!

So I am working on my pergola!! I have this giant vine that is taking over our back deck. I am going to build a pergola to:

1) Hold up the vine
2) Provide much needed shade for summer in our backyard
3) Something to do
4) Increase our house value

I started propagating this vine. I have about 6 shoots growing out of two pots right now. I love pergola's with giant vines covering the ceiling. They are soooo shady and cool.

I am also digging a giant hole. Well a deep hole. It is not very wide. But it is about 4 feet deep at this point. In Texas, the soil is CLAY about 1 inch down. I have a giant mound of clay next to the hole. Wish I was into pottery. This clay seems like some good shit.

Digging the hole is exercise and preparation for 2012. You have to bend down...get a scoop of clay and thrust it over your shoulder. My ass, back and thighs burn. It also gives you an excuse to exercise outdoors. Not into the running thing. I start to run...then I start to walk...and then I walk walk walk walk....and then I run...when I think I see a car of someone I know...then I walk walk walk.

Isadora is not very thrilled with the hole. But it is exercise so she lets me do it. Hope I don't hit any pipes. Came close.

Tonight, Darryl and I went to return the T-Ball equipment. Darryl wanted to go watch a game. They were having a Memorial weekend madness tournament for the older kids. Pretty cool. We got popcorn and lemonade and sat and watched a game that was 1-10. We were sitting with the parents of the team that had scored 1 point. Poor kids. But their uniforms were pretty cool.

Darryl has fallen asleep on the couch. His nest. I like that couch. He is starting to claim it a little too often now. We are going to need to get a third couch for me. He used to have his rocker. But he seems to have abandoned it. Now he is all about the blue couch which my sister gave to me. Little scumbag!! I am stuck on this stupid 10 year old futon that Isadora refuses to throw in the garbage.

The two of them really get attached to things. They NAME everything!! His scooters name is Skootery. The SUV's name is Salsa. My car is named Zoomer. My old car was named Naughty. He has a pig flashlight named Oinkers.

Cause de jour

Well, I am selling everyone on my new diet. Geez...I haven't had a protein shake all day today...nor my tuna...but I had a veggie wrap with Cilantro dressing.

As you can tell...my diet and personal fitness are my cause du jour

A whole week of workouts!

I did it. I went from Monday to Thursday and worked out every night and ate right. I am God. 180 lbs here I come. I just need to lose a lbs or 2 each week until September. With this diet, I don't see how I can't.

I got up early today too! And I packed my own breakfast!

170 calories (Yogurt)
70 calories (Almonds)
100 calories (Protein shake)
50 calories (Starbucks coffee with cream)...tastes like crap without it.
100 Calories (Banana)
0 Calories (Tomato)
100 Calories (Protein Shake)
30 Calories (Tuna)

620 calories in total.

This means I could eat 1000 calorie supper!! nooo....

I am also going to do stair master which burns 600 calories in an hour.

Tonight is Shoulders/Triceps....I can't even straighten out my arms. Who cares. I am a machine! Still following JulieAnn Kulla's workout.

Friday: Shoulders and triceps … I do 12 sets for both shoulders and tris.
Military press behind the head, seated military press, lateral raises, and rear delts.
Triceps push downs, skull crushers, dips, and push backs

Tonight is a T-Ball game. Grandpa, Grandma, sister and brother in law to be are coming. It should be fun. I love my team and I love T-Ball. Soccer with Simon was insane. The kid was vicious. All you could think about is how do we keep Darryl away from him. Wonder how the Cubs are doing with the little psychopath. The kid is going to be in the news someday...but not in a good way.

Be kind, Speak kindly to others, Speak kindly of others, Work hard, Be a champion, Be a team player.

Fitness regim

Ok, positive development in my life

1) I work out for 2 hours each evening. I have done this since Monday. I am in pain. I do an hour of cardio (stair master) and 30 minutes of weights or abs. Ok that is 1:30 minutes. Fine.

2) Darryl is doing well in T-Ball and is starting to compete.

3) My diet has really changed. I am following JulieAnn Kulla (fitness model) regiment and diet. She is the only that posted a exercise/diet regiment that looked real for achieving results.

• I eat vegetables and fruit in the morning (0 calories)
  
• Protein shake in mid morning (100 calories)
  
• Tuna for lunch (28 calories)
  
• Almonds and protein shake for mid morning (300 calories)
  
• Whatever Isadora cooks up for supper (500 calories)

I am consuming a 1000 calories a day and burning 500 calories from stair master.

Negative development in my life:

1) I am exhausted. For the past 4 days I have gotten in at 9:00. I am in pain. I don't want to move.

2) My manager SCREWED me in my year end review.

Crazy colon cleansing pills

Man, I started taking these Colon Cleansing pills. Today, I have turned into a human crap/farting machine! I can't eat anything without it pushing something else out the back end. My colon is getting a workout. I started carrying reading material. I got through an entire Supreme Court Opinion.

I am also taking Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Flax seed oil pills and a multivitamin.

The two cups of coffee also turns me into a farting machine.

I figured this would all fill me up with the nutrients I need and clear my system of any toxins so I wouldn't be tired all the time.

Seems to be working.

The best thing is just keeping the door closed. What a brilliant idea!

Strange day

Today was a weird day. I started off working on my laptop. Then we all moved to the kitchen. I continued working while Isador and Darryl argued about what Darryl should write on his preschool Valentine's day cards. Who would have thought that preschool social dynamics were so complex.

"I can't write that about Linda because she likes David but she is always trying to kiss Scott to make David jealous."

Then Isadora started speaking to Darryl in French to help him learn. This drove me crazy because I couldn't focus while she spoke French. When I told her that it was bothering me...she had got really upset, because she takes pride in her ability to speak French. This wasn't the point. The point was that it was distracting me because she was over dramatizing every syllable.

"Darryl ET tu Bieeeeeeeennnnnnuh?"

So we didn't talk for a couple of hours because I am sick of her losing it every time I complain about something she is doing. However, she is ALWAYS pointing out my faults and I work on them.

I finally got Darryl to change into sweatpants and a t-shirt so that we could go practice T-Ball. We went outside and every kid on the street was out playing in their driveway.

There are two feuding Palestinian families with children Darryl's age. I pulled a chair to the end of the lawn and read a book (Supercrunchers), while Darryl went in between the two feuding factions. Our drive way was the border by which the children were not allowed to go past.

Don't get me wrong. One set of the Palestinian parents are cool and very nice. The other set are friggin' weird and annoying. The wife is agoraphobic, very clingy and wears lingerie all day even when Isadora goes over. She also weighs 250 lbs. Oy. The husband has an accounting business where he works at home. He spends all day on the cell phone in his front patio screaming into the phone.

The wife decided to pull the kids and Darryl into her house. This would settle Darryl's allegiance.

Isadora and I had our spat and then went to the new HEB. Love that store. If it ever goes public, I am so buying stock in it. We spent $300. Isadora is upset. I bought a total body cleansing system and Acai berry juice. Oprah diet. Cost about $100 with the flax seed oil too...and a spray that improves male libido. This Lexapro...I can go for two weeks without even masturbating. Before I couldn't go a day.

Right now I am watching "The Cheetah Girls movie" while Darryl, Noora and Faris play. Everytime I try to change the channel, Darryl complains that he was watching it. Noora and Faris cannot speak english. Noora is going to kindergarten next year with Darryl. SHE IS SCREWED. They speak Arabic to her all day at home. She doesn't get to go out much because her mother is agoraphobic.

Getting in early and winning the lottery

I got in early today. 4:30 am. Yay me. When the bedroom is hot, I cannot sleep. I also wanted to get back on a schedule where I was coming in early and leaving early to see Darryl and Isadora. As of now, I was coming in at 8:30 and getting home at 7:30.

Darryl stayed up and watched the Fringe with us last night. It was the one where people turned into a porcupine monster. He was intrigued. He asked a lot of questions. I tried to explain viruses and DNA to him. He stared at me.

Sure enough, Isadora had to sleep with him all night.

Well the database is down. I can't do a damn thing. That is the problem with coming in this early. Everything bad in IT happens at night. So now I am sitting here waiting for people to arrive so that I can get someone to get the database back up.

No one won the lottery last night. It is now up to $40 million. I will go home with $20 million. Wow. I am going to win $20 million on Friday. I am going to drive like crazy to the lottery headquarters and cash that check as soon as possible. Then I am going to:

1) Join the country club
2) Get a kickass personal trainer
3) Read books
4) Plan a trip with Isadora to Italy this summer
5) Sell our house and buy a house in nicer development
6) Move the cats to the new house
7) Find a house sitter for the summer
8) Work on Darryl's T-Ball
9) Get Isadora pregnant

Infatable toys vs. the Fat Dad!

We are sitting around chilling out after Kungfu Panda. I signed up for NetFlix finally. I love movies. Blockbusters is too far away.

We came back from Ashley's birthday party. I am exhausted. It was held at one of those places where the toys/rides are all giant inflated objects that you can bounce on.

....unless you weigh 250 lbs. Then no fan is going to be able to keep any inflatable ride full. Darryl wanted me to get into the inflated boxing ring with him. I did. I stood up. My feet sunk to the floor and 5 little kids came rolling uncontrollably towards me screaming and trying to grab onto the ungrabable boxing ring floor. I had to roll out of the boxing ring and 5 little kids unwillingly rolled out with me.

Isadora and Darryl pushed me out the door to excercise when we got home....

....then we ordered pizza. Thin crust, so it wasn't that fattening. Oh who am I kidding at 250 lbs...I need to be eating only green vegetables.

My doctor once told me that I was so big that if I stopped eating completely that would not be a bad thing because I was probably at a greater risk of dying with my current weight.

I really don't feel that obese. But inflatable toys and 5 helpless screaming children do not lie.

Working late tonight...eating crap

I am going to work late tonight to get caught up. I got a piece of pizza. I feel like crap. I ate it way too fast...and the fact that I ate it. Greasy food is such a killer. Why do I do this to myself.

Jeff..do not eat food that you know you will regret. Do not drink alcohol that you know that you will regret. What is the purpose of having a glass of wine...if you are just going to fall asleep in front of the TV. Save the wine for when you are with friends.

How are you going to lose 70 lbs....if you do not SIGNIFICANTLY reduce your calorie intake?

I will SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCE MY CALORIE INTAKE....says the guy who is full from having a giant greasy slice of pizza.

WILL POWER!!!!

My big new book on Cunnilingus

Tonight I am going to go home, play with Darryl and go for a walk.

My new book on tape is about Cunnilingus....the whole damn book. It is called She comes first. Highly recommended relationship book on iTunes. It is hard to listen to 8 hours on cunnilingus. Especially since Isadora hates cunnilingus. She is very sensitive about her "smell". She smells fine. Can't wait till this book is over.