5 Things That Are Holding You Back in Life

If you recognize even one of these things in your own life you need to make a change before it is too late. And remember, we all have the power to make a change, even if it is the hardest thing in the world to do.

1. Fear
Fear is the number one thing that will hold you back in life. And fear comes in primarily two forms:

• fear of failure; and
• fear of success

People who have a lot of fear never end up achieving their goals in life because the are too afraid of what they might achieve or have to go through trying to bring about those achievements. Fear is a big one for me, I am still very afraid. I am afraid of success for the most part. And it is crippling.

Let me share a little example with you. Four years ago in India I was traveling with three friends, all from different parts of the world. We had the idea that we wanted to go and visit this great yogi who lived in the high mountains and we all agreed that it was a wonderful idea. Upon starting out on the journey, however, one person (a young American man) changed his mind and decided that the journey was too dangerous. We bid him farewell and continued on anyway and within two days we were sitting in this yogi’s personal quarters having been granted a private audience. Fear stopped our companion from experiencing something truly wonderful for this meeting has shaped our lives in many ways.

2. Attachment
The next thing that will hold you back is attachment. This attachment comes in many forms and it is extremely powerful as it is something that humans do very well. The downside, however, is that nothing good ever comes from attachment. It always causes suffering.

Take a look at yourself and see if you are attached to anything and then see whether that attachment is holding you back. You might be fond of your homeland, parents or current lifestyle and that fondness might be stopping you from moving forward. The great Buddhist master Gampopa said that if you want to be happy you need to leave your homeland as soon as you are able. Otherwise your life will be characterized by attachment.

3. Arrogance
Some of my relatives are extremely arrogant. They think they have all the answers about life and business and religion. The problem is they are all really unhappy. I strongly believe that if they just took a few minutes to get out of their own way they could begin to discover a lot more in life.

Never assume that you have all the answers. Always ask questions and keep a sense of curiosity. Even the most learned people like Albert Einstein and the Dalai Lama keep a sense of humility because they realize that there is still so much to be learned and discovered.

4. Dogma
Dogma is a very dangerous thing. It is where you become so blinded to a way of thinking that you are closed off to all other possibilities. It is where you accept something as fact without taking the time to really establish whether or not it accurate. And, like all things here today, dogma is holding you back in a big way.

Dogma, especially religious dogma, stops you from finding the real “juice” of the subject. When you are dogmatic about your religion you lose touch of the essence as you are so caught up in defending your own position, even to yourself. Religion, in its truest sense, is supposed to make you more open and spacious, not less. Avoid dogma if you want to grow internally.

5. Money
The quest to earn more money holds you back as much as anything does. The journey to be financially free has ruined more people’s chance at happiness than anything else. I honestly wonder how much better life would have been for my parents if they had spent their time learning about satisfaction as opposed to wanting something better. Perhaps their life would have been all the more fulfilling.

Don’t let money hold you back in life. If you find that you are putting work ahead of family, spirituality or other more genuine pursuits in life then you need to make a change. It will be a source of regret in the future.

Conclusion

Most of the time it is your own negative emotions that hold you back in life. The opportunities for happiness and success are out there, you just need to make sure you are willing and able to get them. If anyone has any other thoughts about things that hold us back in life please drop a comment and let us know.

Coffee from the kitchen

Today is a good day. I didn't drink coffee...until now. I am also having the coffee from the kitchen versus Starbucks coffee. The kitchen coffee doesn't seem to be as caffeinated. I can maintain my brain. The Starbucks coffee...while much richer...just sends me over the edge!! And then I have a bad day like yesterday. Bad thoughts. I try to control things versus just working my ass off.

Snake isn't doing anything. She is taking her meandering time to get my manager anything. It is pretty sad. She bad mouthed me and now she is having to eat her words.

Training the questioner after a coffee

I am having coffee this morning. I don't know what the results will be. I have to teach everyone how to use the vendor's software. There are a lot of people in this class that like to make themselves look intelligent by asking a million questions in front of the manager. They can ask the dumbest questions and stare at you like an owl waiting for a reply but hoping they have stumped you.

"If my computer is not on will the application continue to work?"

"On your computer?"

"Yes"

"Well your computer is off..."

"So what YOU are telling ME is that the application stops working the MINUTE I turn my computer off."

"Yes."

"hmmmm"

"hhmmmm what?"

"Oh nothing...it is just interesting."

"What is interesting?"

"That the application turns off when my computer turns off."

"There is no electricity in the machine at that point."

"Ok."

"Does your TV set work when it is off?"

"I don't know. The screen goes dark."

"Well I can assure you that it does not."

"Well, you can't say that for sure."

...maybe I should put this coffee in the garbage...

Be kind, enjoy life, work hard, talk kindly of others, be a champion!

At some point it will sink in!

Extending my perscription

Went to see the vets last night after stopping off to see my own doctor. I needed to get my prescription for Lexapro extended and I needed to get two pills a day. The one pill a day dies out towards the evening. I need one for the evening to chill out. It is not a high....I guess for Generalized Anxiety Disorder sufferers it is. It is more like a vacation. A vacation from worrying.

I read every self help book and meditation exercise. None worked on a 24 hour a day basis. Yoga at 100 degrees celsius provided 5 hours of relief. Then you go right back to worrying about the whole world in a very intense way. To the point that you cannot focus on anything else.

This new prescription should be great. However, I don't know what it is going to do to Isadora and I's sex life. The only way she seems to have an orgasm is by masterbating in the corner of the bed at 3:00 am. It is pretty funny...because the whole bed starts shaking. She gets embarrassed when I tease her. So I just pretend to sleep through it.

Her mother should have been a nun and did not like to talk about sex at all. Her husband, Isadora's father, left her because she wouldn't put out. She had sex for procreation. She hung a giant picture of the Virgin Mary, looking down in a sad way, over Isadora's bed when she started getting her periods. On the other wall, she put a picture of Jesus hanging from a cross. We slept in her bedroom the night after our wedding, before we could take off for our honeymoon. I am agnostic but those pictures really go

Solitude

I used to dream of having a job as a writer where I was in a glass room in a busy section of town. Where I could watch everyone and feel apart of it, but not have to interact and put up with anyone. I wanted to observe and be left alone.

I guess I never felt safe.

I hate solitude. I am programming now. I hate sitting in this office with no window. The internet is my window.

What to do

Trying to do too many things at once. I am trying to participate with family conversations, watch the football players and write a meaningful blog post at the same time.

I have no idea how the football game is going other than the score and statistics that they show on the screen from time to time. I have no idea what my wife and son are doing. Something about eating a pomegranate. That is there thing. I think they are bitter and annoying to eat. The only blog post topic I could think of is this....since I was living the experience right now.

I always do this. During my MBA, I was the most inefficient study machine ever. I would lock myself in a study room in the executive center on a Saturday morning at 7:00 am, prepared to study until 11:00 pm that night. Then I would start browsing the internet. Go get McDonald's. Work out. Rent a movie at the local Blockbuster and watch it on my laptop.

I suck.

No. I am beautiful. I am wonderful.

I am creating anxiety for myself. Pick something to do and do it.

Monster Jam Aftermath

Recovering from Monster Truck Jam. Wallet is recovering.

$8.00 - Nachose
$7.00 - Beer
$5.00 - Popcorn
$5.00 - Water
$5.00 - Baseball cap
$15.00 - Flag
$10.20 - PreJam Starbucks run

Any car trip longer than 20 minutes requires a mandatory Starbucks run.

...wonder where my anxiety came from?

I always had anxiety. Then again...I drank alot of Cherry coke before I drank coffee.

Man...caffeine everywhere.

I treat my son like he is out of it. He isn't out of it. He is just not caffeinated. Why can't you be on edge like your Daddy?! Why can't you be expecting the world to end at any moment like your Daddy?! The economy is going to collapse and America is going to seize to exist!

My anxiety seems to have left

Tomorrow I am going to work on the integration. Get it done. My manager should be happy. Can't hurt.

A lot of my coworkers dropped the ball on this. I was managing them. But I assigned 4 people to it. I figured 4 monkeys could write Shakespeare.

I be wrong.

4 monkeys write more crap.

Oh well. This is pretty easy.

It will relieve my anxiety.

Growing anxiety

Went for a walk today. I am really stressed out. It has been 2 and 1/2 months since the vendor was walked off site. They don't seem to be able to get their act together but they want to come back on site.

I went to talk to my manager about me taking over the migration. Just screw the vendor. He wants to talk about it with my two piers on Monday. I am nervous that he has lost faith in me.

I believe in myself. I just don't believe in other people. Other people suck. They really do.

Great attitude but you can't count on others. I can always count on me and people can count on me.

I need to find happiness from within. I think being totally physically fit would make me happy. If I looked incredible that would make me happy. I would have self respect.

Baby making and Lexapro

Well the Wellbutrin seems to have countered the sexual dysfunction of the Lexapro! My life is amazing! I can have a stress free life and have an orgasm at the same time.

I was not able to finish off the job while I was on Lexapro. My little Asian doctor explained to me that Lexapro is also used to treat premature ejaculation as well. One drug treats Generalized Anxiety Disorder and premature ejaculation. The brain is a mysterious thing. I could get it up and start banging Isadora...and then I would be banging Isadora...and I would be banging Isadora...and my arms would start getting tired...her legs would start cramping...we would run out of lubricant. We would turn on the TV. We would stop for water breaks. Nothing would happen. Then I would start having the most intense erotic dreams. I would start having wet dreams like a teenager.

Lexapro is not good for baby making, which is why Darryl is 4 and we still haven't had another child. I needed the Lexapro to get through my MBA.

The first two weeks on Welbutrin did nothing. I went back to standing at attention with no fireworks. Then this week, the turnaround time started getting more efficient. The reward began to equal the effort.

I love my little Asian doctor.

Serenity prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer made me realize something was wrong. I could never tell the difference. Ever. I feared the worst outcome from any situation that smelled like it could result in conflict.

It is amazing now...how little I realize I really need to change in life.

Having zero anxiety

This is nice. I have forgotten what is what like to have anxiety. I remember so many sleepless nights. Now I fall asleep on the couch at 8:00 pm. When I first started taking the medication, I would sit outside at night and early in the morning enjoying the fact that I could be alone with my thoughts.

When you suffer from chronic anxiety, alone time is hell. The television is your friend. Alcohol gives you incredible nightmares.

Now, I don't sit outside. I go about my normal day. I forget what is was like.

the witching hour

I was scared of the dark. I still don't like the dark. Unless I am lying in bed. I get the scents that this is the time that spirits will make themselves visible. When I was having full fledged anxiety I would wake up at 3:00 am on the dot each night. It was eery. It was never 2:17 one night...1:46 the next night...4:38 the night after. No, it was 3:00 am every night.

In European folklore, the witching hour is the time when supernatural creatures such as witches, demons and ghosts are thought to be at their most powerful, and black magic at its most effective. This hour is typically midnight, and the term may now be used to refer to midnight, or any late hour, even without having the associated superstitious beliefs. The term "witching hour" can also refer to the period from midnight to 3am.

I wonder if my protectors are keeping me a sleep during the witching hours.

When I get tired I start to see shadows. I think my conscious lets it's guard down and I see the other side. I have no idea what the other side is but it seems to share the same space in reality as us. However, it exists in a different dimension. This is me trying to make sense of my world and experiences.

When I was in France, I slept in the old servant's quarters above the stables of a 18th century Chateau. One night I woke up with a floating glowing gas cloud above me. I knew it wasn't gas. I was frozen. It hovered over me like a cloud. It churned for 10 minutes. I couldn't move. I waited for something recognizable to take form. I could feel that this was not my eyes getting used to the dark. I was frozen with fear. My body had taken over as if it recognized that this was not normal. Finally, it faded away.

Darryl seems to have these abilities. My mom had them. My grandmother had them. All of us, save Darryl, suffered from anxiety. We sense things.

Anxiety creeping back in

I need to just push forward. Put this report together and send it to the vendor.

Thinking outside

I sit outside now. I take a book or just myself. I sit in a beige plastic Adirondack chair with my feet on a green plastic table set chair. I watch the cats wonder, eat and sleep. I watch the Monarchs bounce in the air. I watch the cats watch the Monarchs. I watch the Blue Jays jump from tree to tree. I watch the cats sneak from tree trunk to tree trunk. I hope the Monarch doesn't have West Nile. I try to evaluate whether my two young trees have grown since yesterday.

It is winter. A Southern Winter. A Southern winter equals a Northern early fall without the dramatic change in color. The South has seasonal impairment. There is the green season, the less green season and variations of green in between. I will watch my backyard degreen and regreen itself.

At night, I watch the clouds move and the airplanes blink. A couple of stars are visible but a celestial navigator would be stressed in these conditions.

I don't think. I observe. Most of the time.

Tell me what time it is going to be

I used to listen to the news a lot. All news...any news...from anywhere.* I knew everything. Nothing would ever catch me off guard. I could see trends coming from a mile away and prepare for it. Muslim extremists invading Mumbai. I am prepared. I watched the whole thing. Financial meltdown. I am ready. I refreshed my web browser every 15 seconds during the entire situation looking for critical updates.

When Muslim extremists meltdown the New York Financial system from Mumbai. I will be ready. I will watch it all. I will be an informed expert.

The news makes me feel what they want me to feel. I can't help it. They are much better at controlling my feelings than I am. They are experts. They coordinate and facilitate the manner in which the general public should be feeling.

When they want us to sell all our stocks, they find amazing similarities between the current situation and 1929. When they want us to buy all their stock, they tell us that we are missing the boat on this huge wave that will last forever. Then, they remind us that waves crash, bubbles burst and you can't time the market. Sometimes greed is good and sometimes it is bad. The news tell us what time it is.

I wish they would tell me what time it will be.

The ultimate news will be when they match my current situation with the current events. The digitized news anchor will tell me what to do based on my personal information that is stored on Googlezon. "Jeff, a bomb is about to go off in the London Stock Exchange. Sell your European Index Fund. Short Barklays and get rid of the $3000 Ameros on your VisaMaster identity card."

Until then, I will listen to the audio books of my choosing. They must be positive, but not fruitcakey. Maybe they just need to be real. I think that is my criteria. A real honest memoir. Not an autobiography where, after great introspection, the person proclaims their greatest fault to be that they are too passionate.

I want to be happy, content and rich so that I can experience everything all my desires and help Darryl find what makes him happy.

I guard what gets into my brain these days.

* Thank you Google translator

The beginning of the end of my anxiety

I can think with freedom. I don't have to think. I can choose to think about what I want. Yesterday I sat outside on my deck and did not think. I watched our semi-alley cats roam around around our backyard. I felt nothing.

For years, I have needed constant stimulus in order to block out the negative thoughts that ran through my head. I purchased a television set to block out my thoughts on the first day of moving into my first apartment. I would rather sleep on a hardwood floor with a blanket and a pillow than be alone with my thoughts.

For years, I could not be alone with my thoughts.

My thoughts were uncontrollable. I listened to every self empowering tape night and day. The Secret, Daily Affirmations, Positive thinking tapes, meditation tapes, relaxation tapes, anti anxiety tapes. They all worked for 30 minutes. And then the thoughts that would start creeping back in to my head. Within 2 hours, I would be back to a head full of negative thoughts.

Nights were hell. I would come home turn on the television and watch sitcoms until I fell asleep on the couch. I would wake a 12:00 am and spend the rest of the evening listening to the radio, watching television, lying in bed.