39 Ways to Live, and Not Merely Exist

1. Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.


2. Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.


3. Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.


4. Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.


5. Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?


6. Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).


7. Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.


8. Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.


9. Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.


10. Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.


11. Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.


12. Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.


13. Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.


14. Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.


15. Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!


16. Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.


17. Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.


18. Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.


19. When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.


20. Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.


21. Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.


22. Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.


23. Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.


24. Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.


25. Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.


26. Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.


27. Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.


28. Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.


29. Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.


30. Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.


31. Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.


32. Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.


33. Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.


34. Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.


35. Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.


36. Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.


37. Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.


38. Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.


39. Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.

AM I DOING? OR AM I READING?!

If I sit and listen to all the books in the world. What will it have gotten me. I will know a lot about what people want me to know and believe. But I will not have experienced. I will have made the publishers and writers wealthy. I will be poor.

DO plenty! Read modestly! Watch TV occasionally!

Are you DOING!

What should I be doing?!

Building a BLACKBERRY STUMBLEUPON OR PROJECT MANAGEMENT APPLICATION!

oh ok

But I do do...And I learn to do through browsing. But not by reading books.

Things I have learned to do this year:

- Excel VBA
- Blackberry API
- Henna
- Pedicure
- Applying nail polish
- Origami
- T-Ball
- Soccer
- How to build a Pergola

5 Things That Are Holding You Back in Life

If you recognize even one of these things in your own life you need to make a change before it is too late. And remember, we all have the power to make a change, even if it is the hardest thing in the world to do.

1. Fear
Fear is the number one thing that will hold you back in life. And fear comes in primarily two forms:

• fear of failure; and
• fear of success

People who have a lot of fear never end up achieving their goals in life because the are too afraid of what they might achieve or have to go through trying to bring about those achievements. Fear is a big one for me, I am still very afraid. I am afraid of success for the most part. And it is crippling.

Let me share a little example with you. Four years ago in India I was traveling with three friends, all from different parts of the world. We had the idea that we wanted to go and visit this great yogi who lived in the high mountains and we all agreed that it was a wonderful idea. Upon starting out on the journey, however, one person (a young American man) changed his mind and decided that the journey was too dangerous. We bid him farewell and continued on anyway and within two days we were sitting in this yogi’s personal quarters having been granted a private audience. Fear stopped our companion from experiencing something truly wonderful for this meeting has shaped our lives in many ways.

2. Attachment
The next thing that will hold you back is attachment. This attachment comes in many forms and it is extremely powerful as it is something that humans do very well. The downside, however, is that nothing good ever comes from attachment. It always causes suffering.

Take a look at yourself and see if you are attached to anything and then see whether that attachment is holding you back. You might be fond of your homeland, parents or current lifestyle and that fondness might be stopping you from moving forward. The great Buddhist master Gampopa said that if you want to be happy you need to leave your homeland as soon as you are able. Otherwise your life will be characterized by attachment.

3. Arrogance
Some of my relatives are extremely arrogant. They think they have all the answers about life and business and religion. The problem is they are all really unhappy. I strongly believe that if they just took a few minutes to get out of their own way they could begin to discover a lot more in life.

Never assume that you have all the answers. Always ask questions and keep a sense of curiosity. Even the most learned people like Albert Einstein and the Dalai Lama keep a sense of humility because they realize that there is still so much to be learned and discovered.

4. Dogma
Dogma is a very dangerous thing. It is where you become so blinded to a way of thinking that you are closed off to all other possibilities. It is where you accept something as fact without taking the time to really establish whether or not it accurate. And, like all things here today, dogma is holding you back in a big way.

Dogma, especially religious dogma, stops you from finding the real “juice” of the subject. When you are dogmatic about your religion you lose touch of the essence as you are so caught up in defending your own position, even to yourself. Religion, in its truest sense, is supposed to make you more open and spacious, not less. Avoid dogma if you want to grow internally.

5. Money
The quest to earn more money holds you back as much as anything does. The journey to be financially free has ruined more people’s chance at happiness than anything else. I honestly wonder how much better life would have been for my parents if they had spent their time learning about satisfaction as opposed to wanting something better. Perhaps their life would have been all the more fulfilling.

Don’t let money hold you back in life. If you find that you are putting work ahead of family, spirituality or other more genuine pursuits in life then you need to make a change. It will be a source of regret in the future.

Conclusion

Most of the time it is your own negative emotions that hold you back in life. The opportunities for happiness and success are out there, you just need to make sure you are willing and able to get them. If anyone has any other thoughts about things that hold us back in life please drop a comment and let us know.

Difficult people

Aggressive personalities want to force their viewpoints on you. They like to blow off
steam and may attack verbally.

• Don’t attack back.
• Do ask them firmly to sit down and calmly explain what they have to say. Just listening without returning the anger can calm them.
  

Know-it-alls are experts who have no patients for other people’s input.

• Don’t be intimidated or let them take over a meeting.
• Do listen to them and try to benefit from their knowledge.
  

Victims often complain and feel they are being treated unfairly.

• Don’t try to become their protector.
• Do ask them for suggestions to try and improve the situation. They need practice giving positive ideas.

Nay-sayers have nothing good to say about others’ ideas.

• Don’t try to reform them.
• Do invite them to suggest alternatives. Many times they will back off when asked to say something constructive.
  

Yay-sayers will go along with anything just for approval.

• Don’t encourage them to make more commitments than they can handle.
• Do make sure they follow through on what they agree to.
  

Sarcastic personalities use words as weapons, often destroying harmony in a group and causing resentment. They can be poor team players.

• Don’t let them think that sarcasm is an acceptable behavior.
• Do compliment them when they say something positive or show team spirit.
  

Withdrawn personalities can seem to have nothing to contribute and are difficult to draw
out.

• Don’t nag them to open up.
• Do ask open ended questions that require them to use more than a one word answer. Be patient about waiting for their answer.

Meeting with new consultant!

I decided to take the day off. Knowing that I had a meeting with the new consultant I rescheduled the meeting. But I guess he didn't get the reschedule. So he went down and asked Snake where I was. FUCK!

Should have called him yesterday. Moron.

Sigh.

Battle for the users hearts begins.

Don't lose.

They have set out not to lose....why should you? Get in the game. You can destroy them without even trying.

Work as a team player. Sure with anyone but them. Otherwise I will go insane with rage.

Be ready for unhappiness.

I need to read Machiavelli.

I need to enjoy war and not get passionate about truth and fairness.

Tragedy of the commons.

I need to become a professor. I would end up finding reason to be ambitious there too.

Speak Kindly to Others

Speak Kindly to Others

Step1

Kind words create beauty Speaking unkindly means we use unkind words at another's expense, we ridicule, belittle, humiliate, shame, criticize, judge harshly, tear them down and degrade them.

But kind words bless, comfort, nurture, lift up, inspire, motivate, encourage, and show love and caring to others.

A wise spiritual leader once said to ask yourself three things before speaking:
Are these words true?
Are they kind?
Are they needful?

Step2

To speak kindly to others is often more widely practised than speaking kindly to yourself, and yet that is important too. Your self-talk should be positive and life-affirming. Often we aren't even aware of how negatively we speak to others, or to ourselves, unless someone points it out to us. So awareness is the first step. Become aware of how unkind your words sometimes are, both to yourself and to others, and vow to change them to more positive ones in the future.

Step3

Most of us would be horrified if we could record our own self-talk for a day or so. We call ourselves names, like stupid or dummy, we judge and criticize ourselves, we sneer and belittle aspects of ourselves, almost from the time we wake up until the time we fall asleep. Think about that for a moment, and imagine someone else doing that to you. Constant unkind words, spoken to you, about you, all day long, day after day, year after year. It's bound to affect you in ways you're not even aware of. Again, become more conscious of your words and thoughts. I'm repeating this step because it's so important.

Step4

Kindness and beauty Whenever you catch yourself speaking unkindly to someone, or to yourself, take note. Then, if possible, make a positive statement immediately.

For example, suppose you call yourself a dummy for being late for work for the second time this month. Stop, and tell yourself that you are doing the best you can, and that you will figure out ways in the future to make sure you are always on time for work.

Step5

Kind words make people happy Make an effort to speak kindly to someone at least once a day. Do the same for yourself. Point out what a good job someone did on a project at work, or praise your child for their good study habits, or compliment a waitress on her excellent customer service for example.

Read books about kindness and self-talk so that you can become more aware of kindness, and how kind words affect people.